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Joke Du Jour

A hearse was driving up a steep hill when the back door opened and the cofffin fell out. It slid down the hill, bumped and jumped the curb. It raced into a drugstore, where it bumped and jumped onto the counter. The cover slowly opened and a man sat up in it and turned to the pharmacist and asked,"Do you have anything to stop my coffin?"

Blackburne & Sons is Now Making Home Loans (Non-Owner in California Only)

For the past 31 years Blackburne & Sons has exclusively been a commercial lender. That has now changed. We are now aggressively seeking non-owner residential loans in California.

The reason you should bring your non-owner-occupied home loans in California to us is because we only charge two points on residential loans! And if the deal needs it and deserves it, we might even make the loan at par - no points!

Got a residential or commercial deal? Please call Tim Brannan at 916-338-3232 or email timb@blackburne.com

Columbiana

This is George Blackburne III, the old man, writing to you.

I just saw the movie, Columbiana, this week, and I thought it was a great action flick. It starred Zoe Saldana, the likeable actress that played Lt. Uhura in the remake of Star Trek. Be careful, the movie, Columbiana, is rated R for violence.

Did you know that Zoe Saldana also played the hero's 12-foot tall love interest in Avatar? She wore sensors all over her face and body, and the special effects wizards later animated her.

Residential Rates and LTV's

We will lend up to 70% LTV on purchases, provided the buyer puts down at least 20% of the purchase price in cash, his middle credit score is at least 680, and he has the capacity to repay. The seller can carry back a second mortgage for 10% of the sales price.

We will often lend up to 60% LTV on refinances, provided the borrower's credit score is at least 680, and he has the ability to repay. The term of most of our home loans is three years.

Our interest rate will vary from 8.9% to 12.9%, depending on the safety of the deal and the desirability of the property and neighborhood. Most of our home loans will be either 9.9% or 10.9%. We charge only 2 points on home loans, and we will go down to par, if necessary, to land a very safe and desirable loan.

Photo Retouching Joke

People don't like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the love handles. So I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take 30 pounds off me?" until she added, "And put it on my sister?"

Hungry for Commercial Loans

Blackburne & Sons is also looking for hard money first mortgage loans - up to $1.5 million - secured by commercial properties nationwide. Unfortunately we do not make land loans, land development loans, or construction loans. Our private money loans never have a prepayment penalty.

You can also submit your deal quickly to us, by using this simple loan request form.

Not Guilty Joke

A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clears his throat, and announces, "Not guilty." The defendant leaps to his feet. "Awesome!" he shouts. "Does that mean I get to keep the money?"